Funny Work Quotes
1. “The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.” ~Vince Lombardi
2. “Entrepreneurs are willing to work 80 hours a week to avoid working 40 hours a week.” ~Lori Greiner
3. “All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind.” ~Aristotle
4. “A good rule of thumb is if you’ve made it to 35 and your job still requires you wear a nametag, you’ve probably made a serious vocational error.” ~Dennis Miller
5. “By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” ~Robert Frost
6. “I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying.” ~Rita Rudner
7. “I am so clever that sometimes I do not understand a single word of what I am saying.” ~Oscar Wilde
8. “There’s a fine line between marketing and grand theft.” ~Scott Adams
9. “If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel.” ~Unknown
10. “Some days, the best thing about the job is that the chair spins.” ~Unknown
11. “I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” ~Jerome K. Jerome
Quote Of The Day Funny Work
12. “Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.” ~Unknown
13. “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? ~Edgar Bergen
14. “Everyone rises to their level of incompetence.” ~Laurence J. Peter
15. “I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I am around.” ~Homer Simpson
16. “When you see what some women marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.” ~Helen Rowland
17. “There cannot be a stressful crisis next week. My schedule is already full.” ~Henry Kissinger
18. “My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That is what you are called when you do not have a job.” ~Ted Turner
19. “People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.” ~Ogden Nash
20. “I work for myself, which is fun. Except for the time when I call in sick, I always know that I am lying.” ~Rita Rudner
21. “What I do not like about the office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” ~Phyllis Diller
22. “If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves.” ~Lane Kirkland
Funny Work Day Quotes
23. “I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” ~Steven Wright
24. “Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he’ll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you’re a consultant.” ~Scott Adams
25. “If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” ~Steven Wright
26. “The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” ~Joe Girard
27. “Stressed is dessert spelled backwards.” ~Loretta Laroche
28. “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” ~Lily Tomlin
29. “People don’t think of their office as a workplace anymore. They think of it as a stationery store with Danish. You want to get your pastry, your envelopes, your supplies, your toilet paper, six cups of coffee, and you go home.” ~Jerry Seinfeld
30. “By working faithfully 8 hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work 12 hours a day.” ~Robert Frost
31. “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the real greats make you feel that you, too, can be great.” ~Mark Twain
32. “I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.” ~Lily Tomlin
33. “His insomnia was so bad that he could not sleep during office hours.” ~Arthur Baer
34. “I’ve tried yoga, but I find stress less boring.” ~Unknown
35. “Many of life’s failures are experienced by people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” ~Thomas Edison
Monday Funny Work Quotes
36. “When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?’ ~Don Marquis
37. “If each day is a gift, I’d like to know where I can return Mondays.” ~John Wagner
38. “It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can’t eat for eight hours; he can’t drink for eight hours; he can’t make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.” ~William Faulkner
39. “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” ~Charles Lamb
40. “No man goes before his time – unless the boss leaves early.” ~Groucho Marx
41. “Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.” ~Erma Bombeck
42. “The best computer is a man, and it’s the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labor.” ~Wernher von Braun
43. “Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” ~Will Rogers
44. “In the early days, all I hoped was to make a living out of what I did best. But, since there’s no real market for masturbation I had to fall back on my bass playing abilities.” ~Les Claypool
45. “I think my idea of retirement might be to one day work a 40-hour week.” ~Vince McMahon
46. “Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” ~Earl Nightingale
47. “No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.” ~Groucho Marx
48. “A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they do not have a J.O.B.” ~Fats Domino
49. “Every day, I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” ~Robert Orben
50. “He worked like hell in the country so he could live in the city, where he worked like hell so he could live in the country.” ~Don Marquis
Funny Work Friday Quotes
51. “The elevator to success is out of order. You will have to use the stairs, one step at a time.” ~Joe Girard
52. “The best part about going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.” ~Unknown
53. “Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work.” ~Al Capp
54. “People often say that motivation does not last. Well, neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” ~Zig Ziglar
55. “The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” ~Robert Frost
56. “They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it.” ~Joseph Addison
57. “Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.” ~Scott Adams
58. “I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.” ~Jennifer Yane
59. “I’ve been promoted to middle management. I never thought I’d sink so low.” ~Tim Gould
60. “It is a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it is a depression when you lose yours.” ~Harry S. Truman
61. “Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we’d be here every freakin’ day.” ~Ed Bernard
62. “Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.” ~Milan Kundera
Funny Work Quote
63. “Work is against human nature. The proof is that it makes us tired.” ~Michel Tournier
64. “Leaders who do not listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” ~Andy Stanley
65. “Sometimes, the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.” ~Unknown
66. “If you had to identify in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be meetings.” ~Dave Barry
67. “Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.” ~Robert Benchley
68. “The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you have got it.” ~Groucho Marx
69. “It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can not eat for eight hours; he can not drink for eight hours, and he cannot make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.” ~William Faulkner
70. “Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” ~Robert Orben
71. “I used to work at McDonald’s, making minimum wage. Do you know what that means? Do you know what your boss was trying to say? It’s like, ‘Hey, if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.” ~Chris Rock
72. “No one’s dream job involves a kiosk.” ~Damien Fahey
73. “You should never protest outside a rich guy’s home during the day because he’s not there. He’s at work grinding the faces of the poor.” ~Craig Ferguson
74. “The best way to enjoy your job is to imagine yourself without one.” ~Oscar Wilde
75. “Stress does not go with my outfit.” ~Unknown
76. “Oh, you hate your job? Why did not you say so? There is a support group for that. It is called everybody, and they meet at the bar.” ~Drew Carey
77. “Greatness does not come from taking a “lean back” approach to career planning. Get out in front of opportunity – and it will come to you.” ~Jocelyn K. Glei
78. “It might be said that it is the ideal of the employer to have production without employees and the ideal of the employee is to have income without work.” ~E. F. Schumacher
79. “If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is working. Y is playing. Z is keeping your mouth shut.” ~Albert Einstein
Sarcastic Quotes Funny Work Quotes
80. “Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” ~Matt Groening
81. “There’s not a single job in this town. There’s nothing, nada, zip. Unless you wanna work forty hours a week.” ~Jeff Daniels
82. “If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative.” ~Woody Allen
83. “Do not be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people get is to take a bite out of you.” ~Zig Ziglar
84. “Most people like hard work, particularly when they’re paying for it.” ~Elbert Hubbard
85. “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” ~George Bernard Shaw
86. “Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” ~Tom Lehrer
87. “Whenever I call a company and get put on hold, I never really feel like I’m being held.” ~Randy Glasbergen
88. “If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it.” ~Scott Adams
89. “Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.” ~Josh Billings
90. “Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” ~Peter Drucker
91. “I stress about stress before there’s even stress to stress about.” ~Unknown
92. “Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you will never get a job working for a tabloid.” ~Phil Pastoret
93. “Mondays are the start of the work week which offer new beginnings 52 times a year.” ~David Dweck
94. “I hold a little fundraiser every day. Its called going to work.” ~Stephen Colbert
95. “A guy gave me a job at an information booth – no questions asked.” ~Jay London
96. “When you go to work, if your name is on the building, you’re rich. If your name is on your desk, you’re middle class. And if your name is on your shirt, you’re poor.” ~Rich Hall
97. “The best way to appreciate your job is to, is here to stay.” ~Oscar Wilde
98. “The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” ~Sarah Brown
99. “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” ~Oscar Wilde
100. “It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” ~Dwight D. Eisenhower
101. “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” ~Thomas A. Edison
