Inspiration And More

101 Funny Work Quotes To Bring A Smile On Your Face

funny work quotes

Here is a collection of 101 funny work quotes to make you smile today!

Funny Work Quotes

1.     “The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.” ~Vince Lombardi

2.     “Entrepreneurs are willing to work 80 hours a week to avoid working 40 hours a week.” ~Lori Greiner

3.     “All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind.” ~Aristotle

4.     “A good rule of thumb is if you’ve made it to 35 and your job still requires you wear a nametag, you’ve probably made a serious vocational error.” ~Dennis Miller

5.     “By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” ~Robert Frost

6.     “I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying.” ~Rita Rudner

7.     “I am so clever that sometimes I do not understand a single word of what I am saying.” ~Oscar Wilde

8.     “There’s a fine line between marketing and grand theft.” ~Scott Adams

9.     “If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel.” ~Unknown

10.  “Some days, the best thing about the job is that the chair spins.” ~Unknown

11.  “I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” ~Jerome K. Jerome

Quote Of The Day Funny Work

12.  “Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.” ~Unknown

13.  “Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? ~Edgar Bergen

14.  “Everyone rises to their level of incompetence.” ~Laurence J. Peter

15.  “I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I am around.” ~Homer Simpson

16.  “When you see what some women marry, you realize how they must hate to work for a living.” ~Helen Rowland

17.  “There cannot be a stressful crisis next week. My schedule is already full.” ~Henry Kissinger

18.  “My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That is what you are called when you do not have a job.” ~Ted Turner

19.  “People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.” ~Ogden Nash

20.  “I work for myself, which is fun. Except for the time when I call in sick, I always know that I am lying.” ~Rita Rudner

21.  “What I do not like about the office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” ~Phyllis Diller

22.  “If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves.” ~Lane Kirkland

Funny Work Day Quotes

23.  “I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” ~Steven Wright

24.  “Give a man a fish, and you’ll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he’ll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you’re a consultant.” ~Scott Adams

25.  “If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” ~Steven Wright

26.  “The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” ~Joe Girard

27.  “Stressed is dessert spelled backwards.” ~Loretta Laroche

28.  “I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” ~Lily Tomlin

29.  “People don’t think of their office as a workplace anymore. They think of it as a stationery store with Danish. You want to get your pastry, your envelopes, your supplies, your toilet paper, six cups of coffee, and you go home.” ~Jerry Seinfeld

30.  “By working faithfully 8 hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work 12 hours a day.” ~Robert Frost

31.  “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the real greats make you feel that you, too, can be great.” ~Mark Twain

32.  “I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.” ~Lily Tomlin

33.  “His insomnia was so bad that he could not sleep during office hours.” ~Arthur Baer

34.  “I’ve tried yoga, but I find stress less boring.” ~Unknown

35.  “Many of life’s failures are experienced by people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” ~Thomas Edison

Monday Funny Work Quotes

36.  “When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?’ ~Don Marquis

37.  “If each day is a gift, I’d like to know where I can return Mondays.” ~John Wagner

38.  “It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can’t eat for eight hours; he can’t drink for eight hours; he can’t make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.” ~William Faulkner

39.  “I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” ~Charles Lamb

40.  “No man goes before his time – unless the boss leaves early.” ~Groucho Marx

41.  “Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.” ~Erma Bombeck

42.  “The best computer is a man, and it’s the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labor.” ~Wernher von Braun

43.  “Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” ~Will Rogers

44.  “In the early days, all I hoped was to make a living out of what I did best. But, since there’s no real market for masturbation I had to fall back on my bass playing abilities.” ~Les Claypool

45.  “I think my idea of retirement might be to one day work a 40-hour week.” ~Vince McMahon

46.  “Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” ~Earl Nightingale

47.  “No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.” ~Groucho Marx

48.  “A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they do not have a J.O.B.” ~Fats Domino

49.  “Every day, I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” ~Robert Orben

50.  “He worked like hell in the country so he could live in the city, where he worked like hell so he could live in the country.” ~Don Marquis

Funny Work Friday Quotes

51.  “The elevator to success is out of order. You will have to use the stairs, one step at a time.” ~Joe Girard

52.  “The best part about going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.” ~Unknown

53.  “Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work.” ~Al Capp

54.  “People often say that motivation does not last. Well, neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” ~Zig Ziglar

55.  “The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” ~Robert Frost

56.  “They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it.” ~Joseph Addison

57.  “Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.” ~Scott Adams

58.  “I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.” ~Jennifer Yane

59.  “I’ve been promoted to middle management. I never thought I’d sink so low.” ~Tim Gould

60.  “It is a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it is a depression when you lose yours.” ~Harry S. Truman

61.  “Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we’d be here every freakin’ day.” ~Ed Bernard

62.  “Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.” ~Milan Kundera

Funny Work Quote

63.  “Work is against human nature. The proof is that it makes us tired.” ~Michel Tournier

64.  “Leaders who do not listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” ~Andy Stanley

65.  “Sometimes, the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.” ~Unknown

66.  “If you had to identify in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be meetings.” ~Dave Barry

67.  “Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.” ~Robert Benchley

68.  “The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you have got it.” ~Groucho Marx

69.  “It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can not eat for eight hours; he can not drink for eight hours, and he cannot make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.” ~William Faulkner

70.  “Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” ~Robert Orben

71.  “I used to work at McDonald’s, making minimum wage. Do you know what that means? Do you know what your boss was trying to say? It’s like, ‘Hey, if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.” ~Chris Rock

72.  “No one’s dream job involves a kiosk.” ~Damien Fahey

73.  “You should never protest outside a rich guy’s home during the day because he’s not there. He’s at work grinding the faces of the poor.” ~Craig Ferguson

74.  “The best way to enjoy your job is to imagine yourself without one.” ~Oscar Wilde

75.  “Stress does not go with my outfit.” ~Unknown

76.  “Oh, you hate your job? Why did not you say so? There is a support group for that. It is called everybody, and they meet at the bar.” ~Drew Carey

77.  “Greatness does not come from taking a “lean back” approach to career planning. Get out in front of opportunity – and it will come to you.” ~Jocelyn K. Glei

78.  “It might be said that it is the ideal of the employer to have production without employees and the ideal of the employee is to have income without work.” ~E. F. Schumacher

79.  “If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is working. Y is playing. Z is keeping your mouth shut.” ~Albert Einstein

Sarcastic Quotes Funny Work Quotes

80.  “Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” ~Matt Groening

81.  “There’s not a single job in this town. There’s nothing, nada, zip. Unless you wanna work forty hours a week.” ~Jeff Daniels

82.  “If you’re not failing every now and again, it’s a sign you’re not doing anything very innovative.” ~Woody Allen

83.  “Do not be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people get is to take a bite out of you.” ~Zig Ziglar

84.  “Most people like hard work, particularly when they’re paying for it.” ~Elbert Hubbard

85.  “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” ~George Bernard Shaw

86.  “Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” ~Tom Lehrer

87.  “Whenever I call a company and get put on hold, I never really feel like I’m being held.” ~Randy Glasbergen

88.  “If you want to kill an idea without being identified as the assassin, suggest that the legal department take a look at it.” ~Scott Adams

89.  “Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.” ~Josh Billings

90.  “Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” ~Peter Drucker

91.  “I stress about stress before there’s even stress to stress about.” ~Unknown

92.  “Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you will never get a job working for a tabloid.” ~Phil Pastoret

93.  “Mondays are the start of the work week which offer new beginnings 52 times a year.” ~David Dweck

94.  “I hold a little fundraiser every day. Its called going to work.” ~Stephen Colbert

95.  “A guy gave me a job at an information booth – no questions asked.” ~Jay London

96.  “When you go to work, if your name is on the building, you’re rich. If your name is on your desk, you’re middle class. And if your name is on your shirt, you’re poor.” ~Rich Hall

97.  “The best way to appreciate your job is to, is here to stay.” ~Oscar Wilde

98.  “The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” ~Sarah Brown

99.  “The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” ~Oscar Wilde

100.   “It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” ~Dwight D. Eisenhower

101.  “Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” ~Thomas A. Edison

Welcome Readers

Hello, I am Kunal Om and welcome to my website. 

After having practiced  Meditation, Mindfulness and Self-Transformation, and witnessing positive changes in my life, I started this blogging website to inspire, motivate and help others.  

Hope you find the articles on my website to be useful in your journey called ‘Life’.

Peace.

Kunal Om

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