Here is a collection of 86 funny morning quotes for you to have a laugh!
Funny Morning Quotes
1. “A morning coffee is my favorite way of starting the day, settling the nerves so that they don’t later fray.” ~Marcia Carrington
2. “The problem with marriage is that it ends every night after making love, and it must be rebuilt every morning before breakfast.” ~Gabriel Garcia Marquez
3. “Morning will come, it has no choice.” ~Marty Rubin
4. “It sounds plausible enough tonight, but wait until tomorrow. Wait for the common sense of the morning.” ~H.G. Wells
5. “I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.” ~Frank Sinatra
6. “Some of those more out-there jokes were written in the wee hours of the morning. Somehow, they remained funny the next day.” ~Seth MacFarlane
7. “I got up one morning and couldn’t find my socks, so I called Information. She said, ‘Hello, Information.’ I said, ‘I can’t find my socks.’ She said, ‘They’re behind the couch.’ And they were!” ~Steven Wright
8. “I wake up with a good attitude every morning. And then idiots happen.” ~Unknown
9. “I have always disliked the morning, it is too responsible a time, with the daylight demanding that it be ‘faced’ and (usually when I wake for I wake late) with the sun already up and in charge of the world, with little hope of anyone usurping or challenging its authority. A shot of light in the face of a poor waking human being and another slave limbs wounded into the light-occupied territory.” ~Janet Frame
10. “Work out in the morning, before your brain figures out what you’re doing.” ~Unknown
Beautiful Good Morning Quotes
11. “The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” ~Robert Frost
12. “No matter how good or bad your life is, wake up each morning and be thankful that you still have one.” ~Unknown
13. “I am not a morning person.” ~Laurell K. Hamilton
14. “I have suggested to several of these eight-hour logicians that they ought to start work at ten o’clock at night, thereby allowing them to leave at six in the morning and perhaps even arrive home before it is time to get up. Some even took this for a serious suggestion. In my opinion, only bakers need to work early in the morning.” ~Timur Vermes
15. “If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: ‘President Can’t Swim.’” ~Lyndon B. Johnson
16. “Mornings are like almost clean slates. I say almost clean because the residue of yesterdays is sometimes stuck on them.” ~Medeia Sharif
17. “That’s the trouble with being me. At this point, nobody gives a damn what my problem is. I could literally have a tumour on the side of my head and they’d be like, ‘Yeah, big deal. I’d eat a tumour every morning for the kinda money you’re pulling down.’” ~Jim Carrey
18. “Good morning is a contradiction of terms.” ~Jim Davis
19. “I’d like mornings better if only they started a bit later.” ~Unknown
20. “The doctor has a new suggestion for you this morning. Laugh a little more in the morning for breakfast, give a beautiful smile in the afternoon. Stay far happier for dinner. What is the doctor’s fee? Think more about me.” ~Sally Coleslaw
Good Morning Inspirational Quotes
21. “Lose an hour in the morning, and you will spend all day looking for it.” ~Richard Whately
22. “It’s morning time already and it’s time to widen those teeny tiny eyes. Stretch those tough buff arms, wiggle that silky slinky hair and eat some salty malty fries.” ~Jessie Tower
23. “You feel a little older in the morning. By noon I feel about 55.” ~Bob Dole
24. “It seems to me that trying to live without friends is like milking a bear to get cream for your morning coffee. It is a whole lot of trouble, and then not worth much after you get it.” ~Zora Neale Hurston
25. “It is only in the morning that one should marry, read unfavourable reviews, make one’s will, beat one’s servants, and so forth.” ~E.T.A. Hoffmann
26. “I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.” ~Mitch Hedberg
27. “I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning, I will be sober and you will still be ugly.” ~Winston Churchill
28. “I hate early mornings. But I love waking up with you.” ~Sade Andria Zabala
29. “One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know.” ~Groucho Marx
30. “This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.” ~Rodney Dangerfield
Morning Motivation Quotes
31. “Morning is wonderful. Its only drawback is that it comes at such an inconvenient time of day.” ~Glen Cook
32. “Some mornings I just feel like breaking the damn alarm but then one thing always stops me. I paid hundreds of dollars to buy my phone.” ~Job Might
33. “I’m going to marry a Jewish woman because I like the idea of getting up Sunday morning and going to the deli.” ~Michael J. Fox
34. “Lena’s hair was sticking out in about fifteen directions, and her eyes were all small and puffy from crying. So, this was what girls looked like in the morning. I had never seen one, not up close.” ~Kami Garcia
35. “‘When you wake up in the morning, Pooh,’ said Piglet at last, ‘what’s the first thing you say to yourself?’ ‘What’s for breakfast?’ said Pooh. ‘What do you say, Piglet?’ ‘I say, I wonder what’s going to happen exciting today?’ said Piglet. Pooh nodded thoughtfully. ‘It’s the same thing,’ he said.” ~A. A. Milne
36. “When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, ‘Did you sleep good?’ I said ‘No, I made a few mistakes.’” ~Steven Wright
37. “My father-in-law gets up at 5 o’clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don’t know why there’s this big rush to do this.” ~Jeff Foxworthy
38. “My mother had morning sickness after I was born.” ~Rodney Dangerfield
39. “If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love. Don’t be surly at home, then go out in the street and start grinning ‘Good morning’ at total strangers.” ~Maya Angelou
40. “Everyone wants me to be a morning person. I could be one… only if morning began after noon.” ~Tony Smite
Positive Good Morning Quotes
41. “In these times you have to be an optimist to open your eyes when you awake in the morning.” ~Carl Sandburg
42. “Life kisses our faces every morning. Yet, between morning and evening, she laughs at our sorrows.” ~Kahlil Gibran
43. “Love is blind. Especially in the morning, because I can’t see a damn thing before having coffee.” ~Aleksandra Ninkovic
44. “Don’t make me kill you at this hour in the morning Jimmy. It’s not civilized.” ~Kylie Scott
45. “I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up.” ~Benjamin Franklin
46. “I love the smell of juice boxes in the morning.” ~Robert Duvall
47. “It isn’t as bad as you think. It will look better in the morning.” ~Colin Powell
48. “There are two ways of waking up in the morning. One is to say, ‘Good morning, God,’ and the other is to say, ‘Good God, morning’!” ~Fulton J. Sheen
49. “Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.” ~Mark Twain
50. “Morning is an important time of day because how you spend your morning can often tell you what kind of day you are going to have.” ~Lemony Snicket
Blessed Morning Quotes
51. “So far as I know, anything worth hearing is not usually uttered at seven o’clock in the morning; and if it is, it will generally be repeated at a more reasonable hour for a larger and more wakeful audience.” ~Moss Hart
52. “Mornings are pure evil from the pits of hell, which is why I don’t do them anymore.” ~Rachel Caine
53. “Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious.” ~William Feather
54. “There is nowhere morning does not go.” ~Leah Hager Cohen
55. “If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.” ~E.B. White
56. “A good husband is never the first to go to sleep at night or the last to awake in the morning.” ~Honore de Balzac
57. “Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” ~Robert Orben
58. “Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, I’m not going to make it, but you laugh inside – remembering all the times you’ve felt that way.” ~Charles Bukowski
59. “I woke up this morning, and I still don’t believe I won the Daytona 500.” ~Dale Earnhardt
60. “What irritates me most of all about these morning people is their horribly good temper, as if they have been up for three hours and already conquered France.” ~Timur Vermes
Good Morning Spiritual Quotes
61. “Every morning I jump out of bed and step on a landmine. The landmine is me. After the explosion, I spent the rest of the day putting the pieces together.” ~Ray Bradbury
62. “I have a great deal of company in the house, especially in the morning when nobody calls.” ~Henry David Thoreau
63. “It feels like the mornings clap their hands. To make me wake.” ~Markus Zusak
64. “You wake up in the morning and you look at your old spoon, and you say to yourself, ‘Mick, it’s time to get yourself a new spoon.’ And you do.” ~Mick Jagger
65. “Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?” ~J.R.R. Tolkien
66. “I yawned and stretched luxuriously in the morning. I make noises when I stretch because it feels ten times better than stretching silently.” ~Kevin Hearne
67. “Just in terms of allocation of time resources, religion is not very efficient. There’s a lot more I could be doing on a Sunday morning.” ~Bill Gates
68. “Prayer is the key of the morning and the bolt of the evening.” ~Mahatma Gandhi
69. “Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” ~Robert Orben
70. “I feel as though whenever I create something, my Mr. Hyde wakes up in the middle of the night and starts thrashing it. I sometimes love it the next morning, but other times it is an abomination.” ~Criss Jami
Morning Quotes
71. “In the morning I woke like a sloth in the fog.” ~Leslie Connor
72. “The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.” ~Dorothy Parker
73. “There are two kinds of people in this world: 1. Morning people. 2. People who want to shoot morning people.” ~Unknown
74. “I woke up in the morning; lay in my bed waiting until my mom will prepare the breakfast. And suddenly I remember that I’m the mom.” ~Unknown
75. “Make sure you never, never argue at night. You just lose a good night’s sleep, and you can’t settle anything until morning anyway.” ~Rose Kennedy
76. “I wish I had a brush that could paint the whole sky and turn every morning into night.” ~Akshay Vasu
77. “The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, ‘How is the president?’” ~Will Rogers
78. “Woke up this morning with a terrific urge to lie in bed all day and read.” ~Raymond Carver
79. “I always say ‘Morning’ instead of ‘Good Morning’. If it were a good morning, I would still be asleep in bed instead of talking to people.” ~Unknown
80. “Birds scream at the top of their lungs in horrified hellish rage every morning at daybreak to warn us all of the truth, but sadly we don’t speak bird.” ~Kurt Cobain
Good Morning Quote
81. “When I wake up in the morning, I just can’t get started until I’ve had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I’ve tried other enemas.” ~Emo Philips
82. “Let the morning keep what belongs to the morning.” ~Marie Rutkoski
83. “Morning not only forgives, it forgets.” ~Marty Rubin
84. “You know that in New Orleans is not morning ’til dee sun come up.” ~Tom Robbins
85. “People who say ‘Good morning’ should be forced to prove it.” ~Unknown
86. “It’s a Gray morning. A roll-over-and-snuggle-deeper-in-the-covers morning.” ~Kate Messner
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